The Muse is Loose

A bit of advice on those self-operated check-out machines: don't be in a hurry! I rushed to Wal Mart at the noon hour needing some ingredients for the fish we were frying for company. First of all I never found the hush puppies. I looked for them and listened for them, but they were all quiet. Not one little yip. All of that took too much time. I am now past due at home but I haven't left Wal Mart. The one checker had a long line of folks. No problem! I will check myself out. First, I had to decide if I wanted ENGLISH or not. I really wanted Chinese since I had seen their writings on most of the items in Wal Mart, but went for English. This generic female voice from inner space told me I could span my first item. I did. Then my second item. Then nothing else would register. What had I done wrong? I called for help but in vain for the help-lady was aiding another senior citizen. Finally she came and quickly pressed some buttons and appeased the machine. I started again, now later than ever and getting frustrated, I started putting things in my basket after I had scanned them. That is a no no! But they are mine, aren't they? Not yet." They may never be yours, buster!" The machine cop is back again. The woman behind me is thrilled I am gifted with machines. I was informed you put each item in a bag after you check it. It is WEIGHED to make sure you aren't pulling something on Wally. I am not smart enough to pull something on Wally. I just want to leave. In ten minutes our guests arrive to eat and I have the cooking oil and coating for the fish! My card would not scan (upside down).
Finally an okay and signature and I gather my loot. The ticket may had said $1,348.00 but I wouldn't know. Advice... if you use one of these infernal machines know what you are doing. Do not be in a hurry. Do not allow anyone to get in line behind you. Tell them to go to K-Mart or some other place. Bag each item after you scan it. Buy no vegetables. Scan those little black lines. That's where the secrets are hidden for Mr. Wally. Do not attempt this if you are on any medication or have heart, digestion, or bladder problems. It can be dangerous to your health.