It's an early Monday morning so I am not capable of anything very inspiring or normal. So this is what I have in mind: The world's all-time largest omelet. First of all, we need a pan: Let's just take the top off of one of those huge refinery tanks. Get some diesel burners to heat this pan. Now we need cooking oil. There is plenty available along the shores of Mississippi and Louisiana. It will be perfect for this project. Get a couples of tons of salt and dump in the oil. Stir the oil and salt with an air-boat motor suspended by a crane over the pot. (Got the picture)
Now it is time for the eggs. Where in the world will we get enough eggs? No problem! Send refrigerated trucks to Wright County Egg and Hillandale Farms in Iowa. They will gladly donate the eggs. You see they just recalled more than FIVE HUNDRED MILLION eggs because of possible salmonella poisonings experienced by several hundred persons. Dump those half billion eggs in that fresh oil and stoke the fire! There you have it! A Guiness record omelet never to be broken!
We go from the biggest oil spill in history to the biggest egg recall. We are doing nothing half-way in this country right now. If that didn't make you hungry for a good omelet this morning, nothing will. I am heading for HEB right now. We are OUT of eggs.
